i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
So many bounce houses so little time
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Randomize
