Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
