I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Randomize
