i permit you to call me
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
