did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
