if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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