i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
