Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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