I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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