to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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