a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
