Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
