Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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