How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
