I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
