oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
The adults are the big ones right?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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