I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
bring money and cleavage
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
