I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
