I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
