I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
