pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
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