and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
