Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
