well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize