Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
