So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
