glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Randomize
