drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
