Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
