My friends, they love my intelligence
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
