youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Randomize
