walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
It's never too late to be topless.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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