I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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