this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
