thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
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