you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
