I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
