Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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