ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
