Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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