After last night, I could never be a politician.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
