just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
