How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Who died my cat blue again?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
