Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
