Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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