I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
