Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
