I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
People in love make me want to vomit
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
