:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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