your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
