I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I love having hate sex.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
